One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
