why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
