when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me