i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.