I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES