I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...