On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My breasts were aching with rage.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?