She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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