she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?