Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup