I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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