yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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