wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
