I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
