I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
