Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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