The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
