ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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