He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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