im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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