we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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