whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
