Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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