I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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