I must be too annoying 4 u.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
