Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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