I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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