i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
