Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
