Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He shit in the fireplace
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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