ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
