is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
