If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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