drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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