You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
