careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
