ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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