Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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