I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
