please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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