we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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