This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
