I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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