you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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