Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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