toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
