did you get engaged???
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
People in love make me want to vomit
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
