Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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