Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
