my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
