i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize