OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there is puke in my bra ... again
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