Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
