the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
