I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
