every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
