you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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