I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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