I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
