Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Green mimosas i think yes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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