There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
