I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
