Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
