do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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