Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
