He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
