Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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