taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
