no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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