i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude i'm inner monologue high
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
