can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
