If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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