I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like eating out sand paper
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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