and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
